Meet General Diamant and his tactical partner, a Shetland unit trained in terrain defiance and miniature battle strategy. These two are responsible for three interdimensional arrests and a high-speed chase through a wormhole mall.

This genetically-enhanced rhino was one of Dr. Raven’s earliest teleportation misfires. Instead of rerouting him to Tactical Combat Class 3B, he emerged fully armored with memories from another dimension and an attitude that will not fit in the cafeteria.

Led by Admiral Paddles, they are known for cold precision and unflinching enforcement. This squad monitors snowbound compliance zones with brutal elegance.

They wear our insignia. They disappear into timelines we cannot access. They handle problems before anyone speaks them aloud. Every attempt at a sample, whether blood, feather, or scrap, opens a dimensional breach.

What we do know: everything is cleaner after they leave. And faintly smells like ozone and cinnamon.

Welcome to the EMU Assassin School, where every graduate tracks targets like a raptor and hits harder than a wrecking ball in heat.

We are not accepting new birds due to a dimension-hopping virus. All existing staff are cleared and vaccinated with a timeline-stable serum.

This precaution was triggered by Steve, a parrot who may or may not be dead in some timelines but definitely is not dead here.

All current birds are cleared. No new entries allowed until Steve is certified non-glowing across five timelines.