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A general's coat doesn't maintain itself. This is the shampoo and conditioner that keeps them inspection-ready
Interdimensional travel is hell on the skin. This is the moisturizer that keeps him mission-ready
They came for fresh-caught. They stayed for the King Oscars — ever since the tribunal visited Michigan and the dogs shared theirs, there’s been no going back. Shop their sardines here
Petunia Pig
Morale Officer
Twenty seconds in the microwave, ten minutes flat on her back,
and Petunia's eyes are back on morale duty. Diva maintenance
is non-negotiable.
Find her eye compress in our Everyday Essentials list
What we do know: everything is cleaner after they leave. And faintly smells like ozone and cinnamon. No trace doesn’t mean no cleanup. Their Simple Green lineup — indoor and outdoor — lives on our Odds & ends list
The head instructor misses nothing — every drill recorded, every mistake graded on a curve. Get his smart glasses here
Avian Freeze Alert
This precaution was triggered by Steve, a parrot who may or may not be dead in some timelines but definitely is not dead here.
COMING SOON
ANDROID BETA TESTERS WANTED
It assesses where each dog is and creates a personalized path forward.
We are looking for a balanced mix of breeds, ages, temperaments, households, and challenges.
